By Barbara Britt
Empathy is…Seeing with eyes of another
Listening with ears of another and Feeling with the heart of another
~Alfred Adler~
According to Claire Cain (a Pulitzer-prize winning journalist) empathy is developed around the age of two years. These are early signs. Children start to show genuine empathy, understanding how other people feel even when they don’t feel the same way themselves. I know—even with research to back it up, I can already see eyebrows being raised and the word “Whatever!” is escaping from your lips. As a point in case, think back to a time when you walked into a room with your two-year old or someone else’s little one and you were down, saddened with the weight of the world, or just frustrated. All of a sudden, you felt arms circle around your legs or neck—whatever they could get a hold of—giving you that warmth of another human being letting you know you’re not alone. Think of all the opportunities to raise that two-year-old to become even more empathetic!
In today’s society, it is sometimes hard to build on that empathy because we live in exclusive bubbles. Throughout my years of teaching, I heard it said over and over again: “I want my child to go to school with people just like them.” I taught Leadership at Fort Walton Beach High School, a very diversified school where each class was made up with various combinations of ethnicities, races, GPA’s, wealth (or lack thereof). But the power of experiencing empathy was unbelievable. I saw my leadership class constantly gravitating to other students for their skills, talents, and cultural expertise. My students were so in tune to others that they learned to listen, watch body language, and assist people to help themselves.
“The only time you look in your neighbor’s bowl is to make sure that they have enough. You don’t look in your neighbor’s bowl to see if you have as much as them.”
~Louis C.K.~
Here’s the short version of a long, thought-provoking story on how nurtured empathy can bring personal growth. Close to my last year of teaching Leadership, I was standing in Wal-Mart in one of three checkout lanes that were being reserved for my students as they provided Christmas for 120 families and 320 children. One of my students ran to the line and started piling on gifts for one of her five families. The first words out of her mouth were, “I am so excited my families are going to have a better Christmas than I ever had! These families think there is no Santa—and we’re going to bring the holiday spirit, belief, and hope to them.” The next day I got a call from the school board and was asked if what the girl had said that night was true. I answered, “Yes—at least a third of my students provide a better Christmas than what they would receive.” At that realization, the staff at the school board wanted to collect money to provide for my students. I knew this suggestion would not be well received but was told to ask any way. With astonishment and then tears of hurt my students answered, “NO—this is about us, listening, providing, and giving hope to others. Don’t ask us this question ever again!” Then, they dressed in their elves’ outfits and went off to walk in empathy alongside another human being.
“Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.
~Leo Buscaglia~
So how do we learn to be more empathetic? Start by opening the door to your bubble and find people who don’t look, act, earn money, learn, or worship just like you. Break the empathy deficit we are living in now. Empathy can be learned, taught, enhanced Right Now!
The first step is understanding that empathy can be developed no matter where you find yourself in life right this minute. We must understand how it works. It’s understanding how others feel, and being compassionate towards them.
Empathy happens when two parts of the brain work together. Studies from the neuroscience of Empathy, and a new study from Max Planck Institute of Human and Cognitive Brain Sciences reveals that when the emotional center of the brain (which perceives the feelings of others) joins with the cognitive center (which tries to understand why they feel that way and how we can help them), empathy can grow and develop.
Empathy makes better managers, leaders, workers, family members, friends, AND HUMANS. When we join together in a growth and development plan that first is found in empathy, then we become bigger than ourselves. Connection and compassion have fertile ground to grow on and crucial empathy to human development can be sustainable for the future.
“Empathy may be the single most important quality that must be nurtured to give peace a fighting chance.”
Arundhati Ray
