By Celemma Lara, Coach, Strategic Consultant, Strategic Connections, Inc
Many of us at the beginning of a new year, we write and we set ourselves a series of objectives; It happens to some of us that at the end of that year this objective is also on the following year’s list. Simply because we could not fulfill it.
What is going on with that? The answer can be varied, however, there is a common factor which I invite you to reflect upon.
Observe how you habitually speak when you express your goals. You may have written your goals in the right way and during the year express it in another way. Those daily words are what tell us what we think, what we want, what we identify with and give us a fairly clear idea of whether or not we will really succeed in what we propose.
There is a big difference in saying, I must do, I have to do and I want to do.
<I must do> is an obligation to a third party, it does not come from you.
<I have to do> means a need to fulfill an order or condition imposed by another or by an external agent, for example, society. It does not come from you.
<Wanting to do> is a wish of your own. Innate of your being.
This mechanism is unconscious. We believe that as we decide to do it, it is our will that predominates and not that of the other. However, deciding does not imply doing or acting. To generate action requires something more than deciding, you need your own, intrinsic motivation.
“When we speak, we say I must do something or I should do it, we are losing contact with our desire, with our real need with the pleasure that derives from the activity aimed at satisfying it and therefore with the sustenance that this activity can give to the body and to the soul.”
This previous fragment is from the book, “Thinking with the body” by Jader Tolja and Francesca Speciani, where they very well expose the importance of spontaneously expressing <wanting to do>, the immediate pro-activity that leads to action and consequently to achievement. Whereas saying <I must or I have to do> generates opposite effects.
To clarify a bit about it, we can ask ourselves the following questions: What would happen if I did not do it? Who forces me? Who forbids it? In this way we can identify where the motivation comes from and make the necessary corrections from our true will.
I invite you to observe how you express your objectives, goals or wishes with: I must, I have or I want. Now relate it to the process and the results obtained.
